Evidently, I am supposed to follow the World Cup.
"Anyone who doesn't root for the U.S. team is un-American," I overheard in the newsroom recently.
Those are fighting words, I tell you.
Nobody should ever suggest that I am un-American, although the comment wasn't directed at me ... I don't think.
I will admit that I have never been accused of being politically correct. With that said, I just can't watch an event like the World Cup where I don't know 99 percent of the participants. I think I could name about three players on the U.S. team, so make that 99.9 percent.
I have a hard time watching a sport in which I can't pronounce the names of 99 percent of the participants. I even get a little lost at times, I admit, in tennis.
I have a hard time watching an event where I have to look up where the country is located ... as soon as I can figure out how to spell and pronounce that country's name.
I have a hard time watching an event that I didn't grow up playing. Blame that on my age (51) and blame that on my school. There was no organized and sanctioned soccer then, and actually, still to this day I don't think it exists.
I played football, basketball and baseball. I'm a meat and potatoes sports fan, I guess. As far as I am concerned, those are the three sporting seasons. Sure, I've played a little golf and tennis. I tried wrestling once for three days in the sixth grade. My tall, gangly frame at the time didn't allow a lot of grappling leverage, so to speak. Oh, how I yearn for those gangly days again. Now I fit in the chubby category.
Let's see, what else. I ice skated but never really played hockey. I watch hockey now and then, but am far from an expert on the game.
They tried me in just about every event possible in track and field in the ninth grade. Too tall and gangly to be a sprinter; I could never pace myself as a distance runner, and I couldn't jump much. I even ran the high hurdles once. I jumped about two feet over each hurdle in an attempt of not wiping out.
Basically, I sucked at every event.
The funny thing is, if my high school would have had soccer in the spring, I would have played the sport, and I would have been good at it. But my soccer experience amounted to a week or so each year in PE class.
So now I am supposed to get excited about the World Cup. Talking on Sportsline Live last Monday on the radio, it was pretty apparent that I was not excited and my co-host was. So let him talk about it.
I did watch about 10 minutes of the U.S.-England match. I did see the American goal. I didn't see any of the U.S-Slowhatevervenia match. I think I was sleeping at the time.
Did I say I have a hard time watching a sport that ends in a tie? I have a feeling that former NFL player and coach Herm Edwards could not coach soccer. Imagine if he did. He would have famously been quoted as saying, "You play to tie the game!"
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate soccer and I wish the U.S. team well. Maybe I'll even try to watch (part of) its next game ... if my allegiance to my country requires it.
Oh yeah, what the duce is up with those vuvuzela-like horns? I see in Miami Saturday night, they passed them out for the Rays-Marlins baseball game (http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=300619128). Already, this is my nominee for worst promotion idea of the year in MLB.
In the minutes I have watched the World Cup, because of those horns, I became paranoid that there was a bumble bee loose in the room.
I think there still is.
